The Week of Big Things!

So this week has been a week of big happenings and BIGGER emotions!! 

Princess P has started 'school'. Now, when all you other mothers gave me advice and told me horror stories and good stories about being a parent, NO ONE FREAKING WARNED ME OF THIS FEELING! Everyone said the first day you go back to work, you will cry and it will be tough. LIARS. That shit was easy compared to leaving the baby sitter and knowing she was onto the next phase in her life. I also think that I was in desperate need of daily adult conversations. I LOVED being home with her those first six weeks but I was ready to go back to work. I give all of you single/stay at home parents a HUGE round of applause. Lord knows I could never do it!!!! I always said that I would love to be a stay at home. I would beg my husband on a daily basis to let me quit my job. Let's be honest. It was because I didn't really like my job, not because I REALLY wanted to be a stay at home mom. I mean, I have a friend who is THE BEST stay at home mom. She has 3 girls and homeschools her kids and does all sorts of cool and fun things with them. She is my mommy role model. I would never be able to do that for my kids. So in all reality it is not fair for me to stay home. I need to work. I need adult interaction. I need mommy time. Princess P also needs the socialization with other kids. We are in the thick of the terrible two's. Now you other parents warned me of this day. But now that it is here and I complain about it, this is the response I get "oh boy, if you think two is bad, wait til three, it is worse!" What the hell! You all said NOTHING about three's being worse than two's. She has the attitude of her mother and the temper of her father. Not a good combo. Trust me. So anyways, onto the real topic, her starting school. Last Friday was her last day at the sitter that she has gone to all of her life. This day was bittersweet for me. I was happy to be moving onto the next phase because I know that is what she needed. She needs potty trained. She needs to say her abc's without a fight. She needs to learn to share. She needs to have an attitude adjustment. We loved the babysitter. There were some bumps that we weren't happy with but they were fine and we are all ok and fine. I picked her up that Friday because Daddy said 'that situation is just too uncomfortable for me'. I'm calling BS. He has emotions but doesn't like to show them and he knew he would cry like a baby, just like I did. So Friday wasn't awful but I did tear up because it is all we have ever known. All 3 of us. This woman took our child in like her own. She helped us to raise this little human that is our daughter. So obviously, that Monday was her first day of 'school'. I was trying to hold back the tears and not let her see that I was nervous for her. Daddy got to stay home late with us so he woke her up. When he woke her up, I got teary eyed. Our little girl is growing up! This is weird. We had decided the night before that we would stop at a doughnut shop on our way to school and Daddy would go to work and I would take her to school. She loved it. She picked out a plain doughnut with chocolate frosting. I got a plain glazed doughnut and only ate half because I was so nervous about the drop off that was going to happen soon. Daddy goes to work and I take the princess to school. We talk the whole way there and she is so excited because she is going to see friends, play outside, read, play with toys, all of the fun things that two year olds love! We pull in and she sees the playground. She instantly says, 'I wanna play with my friends on playground'. I tell her she has to wait a little bit but I'm sure she'll get to today later. We walk in and she is looking around and asking me 'where my friends at?'. The director is there to show me the way and help me out on our first day. I take her to her drop off room and there are a few other kids in there. She lets go of my hand and runs to the toys. She finds a baby doll and another little girl that is playing near it. She brings baby to me and shows me and off she is again. Next thing I hear, a little squeal. She is so excited! She doesn't know what to play with next! YAY! This is much better than I thought it would be. I didn't have any tears that day! I picked her up that afternoon and she was all smiles and excited to tell us all about her day. Needless to say, this was the BEST decision we've made for her! She is growing into such a little girl. She wakes up every morning and asks if she can go to school and play with her friends. She LOVES it there!! This mommy is so happy.

There are a few other things that have happened this week with a range of emotions. Since I rambled on a little longer about school I'll post those another time!

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Theres Signs

So it has been a few weeks since I've posted anything... I've been trying to figure out for about a week now when I could post (I'm bad and post while at work!) and what I can post about. Opened one of my daily blogs I read and she was calling herself out on her own shit, perfect for me. I've been at a stand still and have been loosening up the reigns for about 3ish weeks. Opened my google email and saw that someone commented on one of my posts! It said, I see its been about 3 weeks but I hope you're reaching your goals, perfect again.

Sooo... I'll start with calling myself on my own shit. I started this hard work train about December/January-ish. I went hard for a good period of time, longer than I normally do when I do good and stick with it. I've lost about 15lbs since then! Great for me! I let myself get a pedicure, I set that as my 15lb goal. I LOVE pedis, rarely get them because of time and money but none the less, I LOVE them. I told myself, every 15lbs I lose I will reward myself with a pedi. Fair deal. I got my last one in about 2 1/2 months from my start date. I should be getting due for one in about a month. JUST KIDDING. After that first 15lbs I apparently forgot what I NEED to do to hold myself responsible and lose weight. I've still been tracking on MFP and I have still been working 4-5 days a week. JUST KIDDING again. Those 4-5 pieces of chocolate I pop in my mouth on the way to the restroom each day at work, oopps, I forgot to log them. Those 5 chips with salsa I ate last night before I went to bed when the hubby was snacking, ooppps, I forgot to log them. That ice cream bar I ate the other night, the cheesy garlic bread I ate along with the pizza we ordered, the macaroni salad I shoveled in while packing hubby's lunch for the next day. Yeah. Lets just say I haven't been 100% real with myself for at least 3 weeks. STARTING TODAY, SHIT IS GOING TO GET REAL! 100% real and honest with MFP! As far as my workouts go, I really have been working out 4-5 days a week. I am not pushing myself to my full potential though. When I started this process I had a gym membership because the hubby was home and I could go in the morning and it was winter and no one in Ohio, wants to workout outside in the winter. I went harder at the gym then when I do at home alone. I also found a walking partner here at work, we walk at least 3 days a week on our lunch hour. It is so nice to have someone hold you accountable and count on you to exercise with them. It keeps us both motivated and makes me feel guilty if I feel like skipping or don't want to go. I was also taking a Body Pump class (if you have one near you and can lift, you need to try it). I LOVED it. I love classes, I feel it just holds me accountable and if I know the people in it, that helps too! I feel that Body Pump did so much for me. I didn't realize the impact of lifting until I took that class. That class is now over. Sad Face. In turn, I've been totally slacking on the lifting part of my workouts. I would lift at the gym and I even went out and bought myself a heavier set of dumbbells for home. While I was at the gym with my membership, I started the couch 2 5k training program. It is an app on my iPod I love. I read all of these blogs and all of them are 'runners'. I have NEVER been a runner. Shit, when I tried out for volleyball in high school, we had to run a mile, I thought I was going to die. I got cut from the team and didn't think it was all that bad because I couldn't run and I am fat and wouldn't look good in the spandex they had to wear. Anyway, I want to be a runner. I mean, not like a marathon runner or even a half marathon runner, I'll settle for a 5k, run the ENTIRE thing and not die. That is my goal. I signed up for this 5k in August called Run or Dye. It is a color run. My 2 best friends have signed up to do this with me. Side note about my 2 BFFs- one is a skinny little thing and will probably just go out and 'wing it' and survive the 3.1 miles, no issues; my other BFF relates to me on this whole weight loss thing. We've been down this road 100 times, motivating each other, having challenges, reporting our weigh ins to each other, blahblahblah. Well, she recently lost 100lbs. HOLY SHIT! I've got at least 100 to lose from where I am now (not to mention, I am trying to get preggers again, so I'm sure I'll add to that 100). So needless to say, when I did my 'training' the other day I text my one friend and told her, I hope you bitches can keep up with my 15 1/2 minute mile. Yes. I said that. Right now, I'm doing a 15 1/2 minute mile in my training. I obviously am planning to not really be that slow by the time August comes (if I live through the training).  But with that 15 minute mile is some walking because the training is a combo of walking and running/jogging. My 'run' looks like a fast walk. Go ahead, make fun. Now that I've totally lost you with all of this rambling, I'll get back to my point of calling my shit out about exercise. Moral of the story is for me, at this point in time, I am not holding myself 100% responsible on my food and I am not working out to my full potential. Today is the day I change that. I normally weigh in on Mondays. I am changing that to Wednesdays because Mondays are rough for me- ok, the weekends have been rough. I will start logging EVERY. SINGLE. THING. that goes into my mouth. I am going to start working out hard like I used to. I actually cancelled my lunch plans today because I have plans tonight and I didn't get my ass out of bed this morning to work out. I will be walking on my lunch hour today. I am going to start lifting my weights again. NO. MORE. EXCUSES. This past weekend, I used the excuse 'my hubby had to work all weekend so I didn't get my workouts in'. Well, no more. Suck it up buttercup. You need to change your ass! There is always 30 minutes somewhere that I can fit in some sort of movement. Today with this blog, I will admit type my weight. 244.4. That was yesterday's weigh in number. I will blog each week with my weigh in. I will type that number. I will remember when I lose more and am a 'runner' where I started. I will remember when I am down 20, 30, 40, 50 lbs and feel like I can't move or do anything, what I did when I was 244.4 lbs. I. WILL. DO. THIS.

To the person that commented on my blog and hopes that I am reaching my goals. Thanks. I truly didn't think anyone would ever read this. I've been inspired lately by a lot of blogs I've been reading. I thought, what the hell, I'll start one too. Document my weight loss and getting pregnant and have some sort of accountability for myself with eating/exercising. To comment on your comment: I have not reached my goals. I got my first 15lbs and should be well on my way to my 2nd pedi but I am not. I am stalled. I am not energized and excited like I was in the beginning. I am also changing that today. I will push myself further and make the time for the 30 minute work out. I deserve this. I need this. I want this. I. WILL. DO. THIS.